Telling the Family (Er, yeah, I’m writing again…)

Happy (belated) Solstice, everyone.  We have now officially passed the darkest day of the year.

I’m breaking ‘radio silence’ a little earlier than planned, but, well…  I’m Supposed to be Doing Something Else Right Now is my blog’s title.  And there have been some recent developments here that call for at least a cursory post:

During the holiday get-togethers of the last several days, J has come out to my family about being transgendered.  I’m proud of him for taking the initiative to share this part of himself with them, and I’m proud of my sister and parents for being themselves — open-minded and supportive.

My sister, Ann (the stylish sibling), took J shopping for clothes the other day, and they found some very nice women’s tops.  J only officially told Ann about himself last week, but Ann has actually known about J since around Thanksgiving.  J and I are really open with one another and spend a lot of time talking out our thoughts about gender and mtf transitioning.  That’s both great and totally necessary, but sometimes it’s nice to have an outside confidant, and for me, that outside person is often my sis.

My parents and I are also close, and I offered to break the news to them, but J said that wasn’t necessary.  He told them himself yesterday evening at dinner.  I think they may still be a bit in shock, but they didn’t react much except to say that they were okay with it if I was.  Mom mentioned a friend’s daughter she knew about who underwent a sex change and is now named Kevin.  The rest of the evening was a mixture of camping talk (J and my dad) and talk about baby clothing and supplies (J, my mom, and myself).

Walking around pregnant is one of the more obvious advertisements that J and I have sex, but in normal conversation sex is the kind of thing that everybody pretends isn’t important / doesn’t exist.  My parents (and to a lesser extent, my sister) undoubtedly have questions about how J’s eventual transition will affect certain aspects of our marriage.  I doubt they’ll ask, and I doubt I’ll volunteer that information.  Somehow it’s a whole lot easier telling strangers that my husband and I intend to maintain our sex life than it is to admit the same thing to close family.

On that note (sort of) I just found this video on YouTube.  I’m linking to it here because there are so many sad stories about transgender couples, and it’s nice to see examples of marriages that survive, and even thrive on, gender-related lifestyle changes.  J and I may have an unusual road ahead of us, and I’m sure there will be a lot to say about this subject in the future, but honestly, we’re fine.  Both of us.  J is transgender, but he isn’t depressed or torn apart by internal conflict.  I don’t feel like a martyr or a saint or a confused person for staying with him.  We’ve never been in this situation before, but we also don’t feel that our previous lack of credentials in the lesbian / bisexual department means our sex life is doomed.  I for one can say that I am attracted to J, and that attraction is based on a lot of different things, not merely the things that could be changed by hormone therapy or surgery.  Every couple has weak points, issues that have the potential to escalate into something important that could, un-managed, devastate the relationship.  For J and me, this transgender thing just doesn’t feel like one of those weak points.

That’s the news for the moment.  J may be adding a few posts to this blog sometime in the future.  He isn’t a compulsive journal writer in the way I can be, but he does write occasionally when he has something to say, and I’ve invited him to post here about anything he feels like.  Transgender stuff, baby stuff, outdoorsy stuff.  Whatever.  I hope he does.

Now I’m going to sign off again and hopefully manage to cram some more thesis progress into the time between family activities.  See y’all later.

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