Letter to the People in Charge: A Suggestion for a Better Gestational Diabetes Test

Dear Medical Community,

I’m going in to the doctor for my gestational diabetes screening today.  Apparently the test involves drinking an 8 oz. glass of syrup.  I have been told to choose the ‘flat Sprite’ flavor if at all possible, and to avoid ‘fruit punch’ and ‘flat Coke.’  I have been told that, no matter what flavor I get, it will taste terrible.

While I understand that drinking a specially-made syrup concoction makes sense for this test, I do feel that a wonderful opportunity to actually enjoy pigging out on sweet stuff is being missed here.  My alternate suggestions to you include:

1.  Donuts.  Maybe bavarian cream ones with maple icing on top?

2.  Cupcakes.  Secret admission here (or not so secret, since J does occasionally read my blog):  when the SO was out of town a few weeks ago, I went to the grocery store where they had Valentine’s Day cupcake-cakes on sale, and I bought one.  It was a small cake, shaped like a candy heart and made out of three individual cupcakes. The best part about it was that, since the cupcakes were frosted to look like a single sheet-cake, there was a LOT of frosting.  More frosting than is reasonable for either a sheet cake or an individual cupcake.  And it tasted so good.

3.  On that note, why not just cut to the important stuff?  — Frosting.  Just hand out tubs of Pillsbury’s Confetti Funfetti, and some spoons.

4.  Milkshakes.  Or Blizzards.  Or regular old ice cream.  Peanut butter, chocolate, and coffee flavors preferred.

5.  Cadbury Cream Eggs?  It is almost Easter… Or at least, the grocery stores think so.  I’ll bet there are some great bulk-buy price deals out there right now.

This list is not meant to be comprehensive, but I hope it will help you realize the vast creative potential here.  As an all-American consumer of junk food, I can assure you that there are many excellent alternatives to flat-soda flavored syrups that your patients will enjoy.  And think about the kinds of leftovers that you could soon see in your hospital break room!

Thank you for your consideration in this matter.  Yours sincerely,

Pikaperdu

***

Post-appointment review:  Meh.  I got the lime-flavored drink, and while it certainly was not good, it wasn’t as bad as I had been imagining.  In my mind I was picturing something with the consistency of cough syrup, but it wasn’t.  The drink had also been refrigerated, which was better than having to consume it warm.  The biggest downside to the experience was not being able to drink water for an hour after finishing the sweet drink because it would have messed up the test results.  

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