4 months in, and a bend in the Road

In the past months J has said to me once or twice that she “wishes I could find inner peace.” The sentiment, coming from her, always pissed me off a little.

I had a conversation on Facebook with J a day or two after my last post. I am not including the text of it here, in part to respect J’s privacy, and in part because, seriously, it is nothing new. But there was something about the conversation that changed things for me. I said all the things I have been wanting to say to J. About her failings as a partner. About how she didn’t respect me and she still isn’t very nice. I told her to go fuck herself too (though I said it while apologizing for saying it).

And J listened to me. She didn’t dismiss my words. Maybe what I really wanted was just to have her hear me out.

After the conversation was over I felt lighter. I’ve been feeling pretty good about life ever since that moment. Isn’t that strange? 4 months in, and suddenly I’m not hurting so badly anymore. I’m not sure I can trust this change, but I am so thankful for it.

 

 

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3 Responses to 4 months in, and a bend in the Road

  1. amyswife says:

    It can be healing just to express all those feelings that are eating away inside you, well done! Glad to hear you are feeling more positive.

    • pikaperdu says:

      It really can! I’m used to keeping journals and such, so I know how that helps, but I’ve never experienced such a sudden emotional turn-around from a single conversation.

      • amyswife says:

        Maybe you’ve just reached the point where you are ready to move forward and you needed to get it all out, tell J how you really feel and now you can let go of it all.

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