Getting out with other people does make me feel better.
On Sunday little guy and I went to the community garden for a planting day. I was assigned to put marigolds in the ground by the drip lines. It went well enough, though my toddler’s patience in the garden is limited, even when we come with toys of his own. I think we made it an hour and a half into the planting, and about a third of that was spent with little guy trying to climb into my lap and fussing when I attempted to both hold him and continue working. Gardening this summer with a two year old is going to be an experiment.
Today, Sunday, we met up with our local Hikeit Baby group for a 3+ mile hike in the foothills, and I really enjoyed that. My toddler dozed off and on in his front pack, and I got to enjoy adult conversation with other outdoorsy parents. The girl leading the hike and her husband are planning a backpacking trip with their almost-2-y.o. on the upcoming long weekend. They invited me along and if I had my almost-2-y.o. that weekend I would probably be saying yes. But J has him that weekend, and without my toddler along I feel like I would be a little out-of-context with them. Like hiking with the dog-walking group without a dog (which I did a couple of times after Ziggy died). I have been arguing with myself over this. Maybe I should open myself up more and say yes to the trip. On the other hand, I need to get ahead on hours at work more if I want to be sure of getting my Americorps Award (which is $$, not just a certificate or a tshirt) at the end of my term of service in August. I had already planned on working through the majority of the weekend, because that would give me a buffer against the next time little man gets sick at daycare. I know it’s going to be a rough weekend if I don’t get out… But…
Slightly strained phone call from J this evening. I wish the strain wasn’t there but it is, on both sides, and it inherently seems to be part of our communications now. J’s mom called her and is planning to come visit later this summer. J’s mom didn’t call me to tell me as well, but I understand how awkward this situation is for other people to navigate. I talked to her (my MIL) on the phone just before Mother’s day, and I call her occasionally. The way she talks to me hasn’t changed since the breakup, so I am not going to worry about this.
J also called to ask me about her taking little man out in a UTV again next weekend (no, I am not ready to let that happen yet, and we spent some time talking about why). At some point I will want to ride in the UTV with J (and S, probably– but ugh) to see what kind of driving they would like to do with the toddler. But that has to be arranged ahead of time, and J is about to head out of town for another week of field work.