If you asked me right now how I am doing, socially, in my post-divorce life, I would tell you that things are improving. I don’t have close friends, but I do have a range of people I do things with most weeks, and I can bring up an activity to them and they will reply, “Sure! I’m up for that.” When we meet up and chat I really enjoy myself most of the time. It’s a lot like that thing called ‘friendship,’ and I am grateful to be building these connections. It is an ongoing process.
I continue to feel sad and a little panicked after the presidential election. I became more involved in political issues after J came out as transgender, so maybe part of this feeling is a reflection of that. But then I see Facebook and listen to NPR and hear the way so many people are feeling scared right now, and I am reminded that these are not normal times. I don’t understand the people in my family who voted for Trump. I love them, but I don’t know how they could follow all those things he said and did and not be disturbed. My own fear blurs between sources as I sit down at the computer to try and fix the problem with my thesis’s statistical analysis. I don’t think I can do this. I don’t want to do this anymore. I also don’t know how to pull the plug.
Time for bed and a fresh start tomorrow.